So what exactly does a united front mean? We hear it often from
parenting experts on TV, the Internet, and in magazines, but do parents
really understand it in practice? Everyone has a different style of
parenting, and a united front means to join your parenting together so
that children can not play the divide and conquer game (which they are
extremely good at). Research has indicated that there are four basic
parenting styles ranging from only fulfilling a child's basic needs for
food, shelter, and schooling to those that expect complete obedience
with no explanation or conversation. Of course each family has a unique
blend of these four basic parenting styles.
Experts agree that no matter which parenting style each parent has, finding a way to combine them that is consistent will produce the most capable and successful children. Parenting disagreements are one of the major causes of marital problems. So for the sake of your relationship with your spouse and to help make your children successful, happy adults you must learn to co-parent. Our parenting styles come mostly from our own upbringing, some of us repeat how our parents raised us, others tweak our parent's style a little. When co-parenting the idea is to combine both styles of parenting and reach a compromise.
Before deciding exactly how you will combine your parenting styles to raise your children it is important to understand the basic parenting styles and the effect each has on the children.
1. Authoritarian Parents - This parenting style is one where the rules are set and if broken children are punished. There is no explanation of why the rules exist. These parents have high demands and expect their orders to be obeyed. It is believed to be the main style of parenting in the 1950's which is said to have created the rebellious baby boomers of the 60's and 70's. Children do not make any of their own choices.
2. Authoritative Parents - These parents also set rules which they expect their children to follow, but the rules are explained. Parents are more forgiving rather than punishing and children are allowed to make their own choices. Parents are also open to discussion with their children. These parents often take advantage of teaching moments and open, honest communication with their children.
3. Permissive Parents - These parents have very few, if any demands or expectations of their children. Children make their own choices and parents behave more like a friend than a parent. Children tend to become sexually active much earlier and are at a high risk of drug and alcohol addiction. Minor criminal records are also common among children raised by parents with this style of parenting.
4. Uninvolved Parents - These parents have very little involvement in their children's lives. Children are likely to run away often, have a tendency to be violent, and are unable to live productive, happy lives.
In 1992 psychologist and author E.E. Maccoby concluded that authoritative parenting styles tended to result in children who were happy, capable and successful. Combining parenting styles in a way which falls somewhere in the authoritative parenting zone makes for the most well adjusted, happy, and successful children.
It is virtually impossible to always be united and agree one hundred percent when it comes to parenting. Keeping rules and consequences basically the same is what you should aim for in co-parenting. Parents must sit down together and decide what rules there will be and the consequences for breaking those rules. Remember that this is not about winning. Establishing a parenting plan is about your relationship with each other and raising intelligent, well-adjusted children able to support themselves and live a happy life. Compromise is essential. For instance, one parent thinks the children should be in bed at 8pm. and the other believes the children will be fine going to bed at 10pm. Negotiating a bedtime around 9pm. is a quality compromise. If after staying up until 9pm. the children seem to be too tired throughout the day, talk about it again.
There are some things you will disagree about and to avoid problems with children recognizing this and taking advantage of it here are a few rules you should always follow.
· If you have a disagreement, discuss it in private. Children should not hear their parents arguing if it can be avoided.
· Remember that you are both interested in what is best for the child or children. This is not about winning; it is about being a team.
· Do not talk about the other parent in a negative way in front of the children. This only hurts children to hear one of their parents being talked about in this way.
· Do not try to be the "favorite" parent by deviating from your co-parenting plan.
Whether you are married to your child's other parent or not, these guidelines will help make for healthy, successful children.
Experts agree that no matter which parenting style each parent has, finding a way to combine them that is consistent will produce the most capable and successful children. Parenting disagreements are one of the major causes of marital problems. So for the sake of your relationship with your spouse and to help make your children successful, happy adults you must learn to co-parent. Our parenting styles come mostly from our own upbringing, some of us repeat how our parents raised us, others tweak our parent's style a little. When co-parenting the idea is to combine both styles of parenting and reach a compromise.
Before deciding exactly how you will combine your parenting styles to raise your children it is important to understand the basic parenting styles and the effect each has on the children.
1. Authoritarian Parents - This parenting style is one where the rules are set and if broken children are punished. There is no explanation of why the rules exist. These parents have high demands and expect their orders to be obeyed. It is believed to be the main style of parenting in the 1950's which is said to have created the rebellious baby boomers of the 60's and 70's. Children do not make any of their own choices.
2. Authoritative Parents - These parents also set rules which they expect their children to follow, but the rules are explained. Parents are more forgiving rather than punishing and children are allowed to make their own choices. Parents are also open to discussion with their children. These parents often take advantage of teaching moments and open, honest communication with their children.
3. Permissive Parents - These parents have very few, if any demands or expectations of their children. Children make their own choices and parents behave more like a friend than a parent. Children tend to become sexually active much earlier and are at a high risk of drug and alcohol addiction. Minor criminal records are also common among children raised by parents with this style of parenting.
4. Uninvolved Parents - These parents have very little involvement in their children's lives. Children are likely to run away often, have a tendency to be violent, and are unable to live productive, happy lives.
In 1992 psychologist and author E.E. Maccoby concluded that authoritative parenting styles tended to result in children who were happy, capable and successful. Combining parenting styles in a way which falls somewhere in the authoritative parenting zone makes for the most well adjusted, happy, and successful children.
It is virtually impossible to always be united and agree one hundred percent when it comes to parenting. Keeping rules and consequences basically the same is what you should aim for in co-parenting. Parents must sit down together and decide what rules there will be and the consequences for breaking those rules. Remember that this is not about winning. Establishing a parenting plan is about your relationship with each other and raising intelligent, well-adjusted children able to support themselves and live a happy life. Compromise is essential. For instance, one parent thinks the children should be in bed at 8pm. and the other believes the children will be fine going to bed at 10pm. Negotiating a bedtime around 9pm. is a quality compromise. If after staying up until 9pm. the children seem to be too tired throughout the day, talk about it again.
There are some things you will disagree about and to avoid problems with children recognizing this and taking advantage of it here are a few rules you should always follow.
· If you have a disagreement, discuss it in private. Children should not hear their parents arguing if it can be avoided.
· Remember that you are both interested in what is best for the child or children. This is not about winning; it is about being a team.
· Do not talk about the other parent in a negative way in front of the children. This only hurts children to hear one of their parents being talked about in this way.
· Do not try to be the "favorite" parent by deviating from your co-parenting plan.
Whether you are married to your child's other parent or not, these guidelines will help make for healthy, successful children.
Shonda Kellams is a freelance writer who enjoys writing about
home and family, parenting, relationships, and online business. Shonda
owns http://snapoint.org a collaborative blog featuring articles written to help people get better at life.
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http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Shonda_Kellams
