The first step in any adoption, whether domestic or international, is the home study evaluation. This part can be a bit intimidating as it requires you to answer question about yourself and your otherwise private life all the way back to the age of 18 years old. Here are 16 basic questions you would be asked and why they are important.
- Where do you live? Contrary to popular belief agencies don't normally ask this question to see if you're rich enough to adopt. They want to know this: Is your home safe? Is it in a safe neighborhood? Is it big enough for another person?
- What is your current living situation? Are you married or single, divorced, in a relationship? By the way, being gay or in a same-sex relationship will not keep you from adopting. It is normally the laws of the state you live in, the agency's policies and ultimately the birth mother who decides. If the first two say okay and the mother likes you there is no problem. Though some people think so, having children already also does not preclude you from being considered for adoption. If there is anyone else living or visiting your home on a regular basis over 18 years old (older children, relatives, friends of the family, etc.) they will need to have all their police clearances and exams done also. The agency will also want to know why they live with you and will evaluate how that will affect a new child.
- What is your highest level of education? Don't panic if you did not go to college but you will be asked. The reason is varied for different agencies. One of the reason is that there is a correlation between income and education (which translates into the ability to financially care for a child) and in today's economy this is important.
- Have you ever been arrested? Yes "ever" and this does include traffic offenses such as DUI, suspended licenses, and any crime (whether you were only questioned or actually convicted), drug or alcohol abuse (even if you were only 19 at the time), etc. Let's put it this way...if it's been recorded somewhere then you should tell someone straight up. Other than some pretty heavy offenses, none of this is an absolute dismissal from adoption. Much of it depends on the agency review, the offense, the reasons, the timing, the verdict, the penalty, etc. Full and immediate disclosure is your best bet.
- Have you ever worked with children? If so you will need someone there to give you a letter of reference. You must also be cleared with the Department of Family & Children Services to make sure there have not been any cases against you for child abuse. This is done on everyone though, regardless of previous work or whether or not they have children.
- How is your physical health? You will need a complete physical exam as well as a drug screening and possibly an HIV test. Are you on any medications? If so, let someone know what and for what reason. Don't worry that some ailments will preclude you from adoption. Many times, and agency will accept your physician's assessment that you are healthy enough to adopt and raise a child. The main reason for asking about your health is to make sure someone is there to raise your child in the future.
- How is your financial health? Agencies look at the ratio between income and outflow when they do the paperwork. If your income is moderate but your house is paid off, for example, and you don't have a lot of debts then you are a better risk as a provider than someone who makes a much larger amount but has a high ratio of debt. They will also ask you to provide a copy of this year's filed taxes. You will need to consider how you will pay for your adoption and the expenses to travel if necessary. Will you be able to keep up with the different types of fees along the way? Do you have access to the money you will need or is it tied up in a fund somewhere? All good questions to ask.
- How is your mental health? How do you feel about the way you were raised, the hobbies you have, your relationships, and the idea of adopting? There are many questions you will be asked like these and you will need to evaluate how you feel. For example, when asked about their feelings about adoption, some couples realize that they have never really mourned their inability to conceive. This is an important part of accepting the new child so it will need to be addressed and may delay the process. However, every issue is important so take the time you need to answer truthfully.
- How do you feel about corporal punishment (such as spanking)? Some agencies feel very strongly about this issue and will make you sign a waiver that you will not use CP on your adopted child.
- Do you have insurance? You will need to prove that you have both medical and auto insurance. Both are required to make sure the child is covered. Some agencies will also ask about health insurance and a guardian plan in case something was to happen to you.
- Do you have well water or a septic tank? To ensure children live in safe conditions it is a requirement that you have documented inspections done on both.
- Do you have pets? Each of them must be up to date on all their vaccinations and you will need to have a vet verify their health by documentation also.
- Do you have a pool? It will need to have a fence around it to keep unsupervised children out of the immediate area.
- Do you own firearms? You can own them but they will need to be unloaded and locked up in a cabinet that you will show the caseworker.
- How did you grow up? What was life as a child like for you? Growing up in a harsh environment does not mean that you can't be a great parent but your caseworker will want to know how you dealt with any trauma as a child and how it has affected your life today.
- What type of child do you want to adopt? Every agency wants to know this. Not only does it help them decide what program you will best fit into for an adoption but it tells a lot about the feelings you have about adoption and about the types of issues that need to be covered. Are you looking for a certain gender, a certain race, a certain age or are you open to any child. No answer is the right answer, it just gives an agency the information it needs to help you. For example, if you are open to a child of any race then the caseworker knows that they will need to counsel with you regarding multiracial families and see if your extended family is supportive.
The one common denominator in every question is that you must be completely honest. Just like visiting your doctor, your agency cannot help you if they don't know all the facts. Even more important is the fact that if you lie on any point and the truth is discovered later (and they do check thoroughly) the agency can deem this as non-disclosure. In this case the agency has the legal right to immediately close your case and in most cases you will not receive a refund of any fees you have paid.
Honesty with yourself first, and your agency next, regarding these questions can help you be prepared for a home study. Don't be afraid to talk with your caseworker about anything on this list. Though this list in not all-inclusive and is no guarantee that you will pass a home study evaluation, it's a good start. If an agency is worth working with they will treat you with respect and kindness and be your guides on working through any problems that you may have. Trust them to be brutally honest with you however. They will sign their name to the fact that a child they place in your home is in a safe and loving environment. Expect them to take this seriously. Their stamp of approval is the most important part of your journey.
Dee is the Executive Director and Parenting Instructor for Crystal Adoption Resource. She invites you to learn more about how she can save you money, many hours of frustration and cut your waiting time by more than half by letting her guide you through, and to, an adoption. Go to their FAQ now to find out more: http://crystaladoptions.com/FAQ.php or follow her on Twitter (@Helping_U_Adopt).
Crystal Adoption Resource: Everyone needs a hand to hold. You be theirs. We'll be yours.
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