Facebook’s WhatsApp Acquisition Leaves Snapchat Hanging

With Facebook’s massive $19 billion purchase of WhatsApp earlier today, any possible marriage between Facebook and Snapchat appears to be dead.

After spending $20 billion on a photo sharing company (Instagram) and messaging company (WhatsApp), can Facebook really justify spending billions more to acquire an ephemeral photo messaging company? 

CEO Mark Zuckerberg wanted Snapchat very badly; from blatantly cloning the app in December 2012 to making multiple acquisition offers, Zuckerberg saw an obvious fit between the ephemeral app and his social network giant.

WhatsApp co-founder and CEO, Jan Koum, will join Facebook’s Board of Directors as part of today’s acquisition deal. WhatsApp’s other co-founder, Brian Acton, spoke very harshly about Snapchat to Wired earlier today:

“It’s not 100 per cent clear to me what’s working about Snapchat,” he says. “Great, teenagers can use it to get laid all day long. I don’t care. I’m 42, essentially married with a kid. I don’t give a shit about this. I’m not sexting with random strangers. I send the ‘I love you’s in text. She’s sending me photos of our baby. These are memories. It’s not clear to me that being goofy with Snapchat necessarily creates that level of intimacy.

Clearly [Snapchat cofounder] Evan Spiegel only has his pulse on one part of the world. We have a whole wall of stories about people who got to know each other long distance and eventually got married. You’re not going to do this over Snapchat. And people want chat histories. They’re a permanent testimony of a relationship.”

At first glance, it seems like Acton doesn’t really understand Snapchat’s appeal or value proposition, which is very, very strange given that he has created one of the world’s most successful messaging companies. What’s far more likely is that Acton understands Snapchat perfectly well, and is throwing a few jabs at one of his main competitors.

But are these barbs just competitiveness, or does Acton actually think so little of Snapchat? And how will Acton’s and Koum’s feelings toward Snapchat affect a potential future acqusition now that Koum sits on Facebook’s Board?

Snapchat rejected Facebook’s over $3 billion acquisition offer in 2013. The hot startup has lured Emily White away from Instagram to become COO. Most importantly, it competes more than ever with Instagram and Facebook with its 24-hour ephemeral timeline, Snapchat Stories.
While the earliest versions of Snapchat competed primarily with messaging apps, the Stories feature has people posting and consuming photos and videos in a strikingly similar manner to Facebook and Instagram.
Zuckerberg tried once to directly clone Snapchat and failed. If he isn’t able to purchase Snapchat, or no longer wants to at the price, perhaps Facebook will try to develop its own take on ephemerality. Apps like Whisper and Secret have taken off by allowing users to post anonymously, just as Snapchat is making content ephemeral. People clearly want a different way to share content besides merely posting on Facebook and Instagram. Facebook needs to find a way to provide that to its users.

Meanwhile, Snapchat is now left with very few options if co-founders Evan Spiegel and Bobby Murphy choose to sell.

Google, which reportedly offered up to $4 billion for Snapchat, would still make a ton of sense for both companies. And Tencent, which sources say has already invested in Snapchat, would also be an interesting match.
That’s about it.

Snapchat doesn’t seem keen on selling any time soon (although neither did WhatsApp). The company would likely have to struggle with growth or monetization, or have repeated issues with security or lawsuits to seriously consider accepting an acquisition offer.
Based on its trajectory to this point, and its substantial pile of cash, it seems unlikely that Snapchat would sell until at least 2015. The company could continue its insane growth and eventually go public. It could falter, lose popularity, and flame out or sell for an unremarkable sum. But the third route, a top dollar acquisition to a major company, just became a lot less clear.

source:
 http://techcrunch.com/2014/02/19/facebooks-whatsapp-acquisition-snapchat/

How to Tell If Your Child Has Low Self Esteem and What You Can Do About It

A child with high self esteem will be able to act without help, assume responsibility, take pride in his accomplishments, abide frustration, attempt new tasks, endeavors and challenges, handle their positive as well as negative emotions, and will offer to help others who are less capable.
Conversely, a child experiencing low self-esteem will attempt to avoid trying new activities, feels unloved and unwanted, puts the blame others for his own shortcomings, feels or pretends to feel emotionally indifferent, is unable to tolerate a normal level of frustration, puts himself down, and is easily influenced by others.
The self-esteem of peer-oriented children will, more often than not, be dependent on the way others perceive them. A positive self-esteem means that children and teens consider themselves to be valuable even when they are being judged poorly by others.
How to Build Your Child's Self Esteem
Tell your child that he is important to you, that you love him. Communicate your feelings to your child so he doesn't have to guess. Listen non-judgmentally Do special things for your child.
A child doesn't know when you are feeling good about him. He needs to hear you tell him that you like having him in the family. Children remember positive statements we say to them. In fact, they store them up and "replay" your comments to themselves. Practice giving your child encouraging words throughout each day. Try using what is commonly referred to as "descriptive praise" to let your child know when they are doing something correctly or doing it well.
You must of course become in the habit of looking for situations where your child is excelling, doing a good job or perhaps displaying a talent. For instance, "You are a very kind boy (or girl) " Or, "I really like the way you see things through even when it seems difficult to do." You can even praise a child for something he did not do such as "I really appreciated how you accepted my answer of 'no' and did not get angry or lose your temper ".
Teach your child to practice making positive self-statements. Psychologists have found that negative self-talk is a cause of depression and anxiety. Therefore, it is important to teach your children to be positive about what they say in their heads to themselves.
Some examples of useful self-talk are: "I can get this problem, if I just keep trying", "It's OK if our team lost today. We all tried our best and you can't win them all", "It makes me feel good to help others even if the person doesn't notice or thank me".
This is good practice for your child. He can eventually become an expert at this and it will serve as protective amour during their turbulent teenage years.

To learn much more about what you can do to help promote healthy self esteem in your child, visit [http://www.MyShyChild.com] where you'll find more information about how you can help your child feel more self-confident.

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Preparing Your Child for First Holy Communion

Receiving Holy Communion for the very first time is a huge step for most Catholics. Since baptism for most Catholics is done when the child is too young to remember, the First Holy Communion is one of the big steps that most Christians make in their religious life. It is important as a parent to ensure that your children are prepared for this amazing and wonderful experience that they will continue to enjoy for the rest of their lives.
Ways of Preparing of your child to receive their First Holy Communion
1. Make sure they have received both the sacrament of Baptism and the sacrament of Penance
These are the basic requirements for any child to receive their First Holy Communion in the Catholic Church. In most catholic homes the children are baptized before they are even a year old so this is usually not a problem. If they are baptized, you should make sure that you have their baptismal certificate from the church that they were baptized in.
The sacrament of Penance which is usually in the form of confession is usually given to the child a week or two before they receive communion. Most catechism classes arrange for this as soon as the children pass their catechism exams but if they don't u should make sure that you contact your priest to arrange for confession for your child.
2. Enroll your child in catechism classes
Enrolling your child is a catechism class is the first step in preparing your child for their First Holy Communion. Catechism classes instruct the child on the basics of Catholicism and Christianity which is quite important before they start to receive communion.
3. Take your child to mass frequently
Although they may learn a lot about what goes on in the church during their catechism classes, it is important that they go to mass and get to experience it for themselves. This will also help your child learn how to respond during mass as well as master the common prayers.
4. Have a talk with your child about the importance of receiving the First Holy Communion
Children usually have a lot of questions about the sacrament and you should take time to answer any questions that they may have as well as ensure that they understand the importance of the sacrament. Communion is not to be taken lightly and as a parent you should be able to gauge whether your child understands the significance of receiving communion before they receive the sacrament.
5. Show them how to receive communion
This is one thing that most catechism classes forget to teach the children because they assume it is common knowledge, however sometimes even the basic things need to be said. Take a few minutes to show your child how to receive the sacrament to avoid any mistakes.
If your child has passed their catechism exams and the date for her First Communion is set then the next step is to make sure that they have the right attire for the occasion. For girls, a white dress is usually appropriate while for boys the norm is to have them in formal pants and a shirt preferably with a tie.
Receiving First Holy Communion for the first time is a big event in your child's life, so inviting close family and friends to celebrate the occasion is a wonderful way of celebrating the event with your child.

Samantha Gold is a writer with Gifts of Love and Devotion - Unique Christian Gifts which features a large selection of Unique and Personalized Christian Gifts for every occasion including baptism, first communion, confirmation, weddings, and anniversary gifts. In addition, they offer heirloom quality baptism and christening gowns and rompers, as well as communion dresses and accessories. Gifts of Love and Devotion also has a selection of memorials which can be given in remembrance for the loss of a loved one. Personalized gifts such as baptismal candles and wedding crosses are available in most of our categories and provide a more unique gift idea. Her inspirational decor for the home and garden sections include a wide variety of products to dress up the home while making a personal statement of faith.

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Attachment Parenting Origins! Revealed! The Origins of Attachment Parenting Part 1

Attachment Parenting is a very Broad term. For simplicity's sake, I will begin with the FACTS and bare bones as to how Attachment Parenting started.
The original concept of Attachment Parenting was formally introduced in 1958 by John Bowlby in a publication of two papers "the Nature of the Child's Tie to his Mother", in which the concepts of "attachment" were introduced. This was the Attachment Theory and not yet coined Attachment Parenting.
For details of Bowlbys Attachment Theory visit: Wikipedia.com Attachment theory
More information on the works of John Bowlby himself: Wikipedia.com and search "John Bowlby" (sorry not allowed many links).
John Bowlby devoted extensive research to the concept of attachment, describing it as a "lasting psychological connectedness between human beings". Bowlby discussed that early experiences in childhood have an important influence on development and behavior later in life. Early attachment styles are established in childhood through the infant/caregiver relationship.
Bowlby believed that there are four distinguishing characteristics of attachment:
1. Proximity Maintenance - The desire to be near the people we are attached to.
2. Safe Haven - Returning to the attachment figure for comfort and safety in the face of a fear or threat.
3. Secure Base - The attachment figure acts as a base of security from which the child can explore the surrounding environment.
4. Separation Distress - Anxiety that occurs in the absence of the attachment figure.
Alongside Bowlby was Mary Ainsworth who did her own Attachment Theory work and greatly contributed to Bowlby's work.
Around the same time Harry Harlow did research and scientific study on infant rhesus monkeys. Below is an excerpt that explains his work far better than I can:
The Science of Love
How did Harlow go about constructing his science of love? He separated infant monkeys from their mothers a few hours after birth, then arranged for the young animals to be "raised" by two kinds of surrogate monkey mother machines, both equipped to dispense milk. One mother was made out of bare wire mesh. The other was a wire mother covered with soft terry cloth. Harlow's first observation was that monkeys who had a choice of mothers spent far more time clinging to the terry cloth surrogates, even when their physical nourishment came from bottles mounted on the bare wire mothers. This suggested that infant love was no simple response to the satisfaction of physiological needs. Attachment was not primarily about hunger or thirst. It could not be reduced to nursing.
Then Harlow modified his experiment and made a second important observation. When he separated the infants into two groups and gave them no choice between the two types of mothers, all the monkeys drank equal amounts and grew physically at the same rate. But the similarities ended there. Monkeys who had soft, tactile contact with their terry cloth mothers behaved quite differently than monkeys whose mothers were made out of cold, hard wire. Harlow hypothesized that members of the first group benefited from a psychological resource-emotional attachment-unavailable to members of the second. By providing reassurance and security to infants, cuddling kept normal development on track.
What exactly did Harlow see that convinced him emotional attachment made a decisive developmental difference? When the experimental subjects were frightened by strange, loud objects, such as teddy bears beating drums, monkeys raised by terry cloth surrogates made bodily contact with their mothers, rubbed against them, and eventually calmed down. Harlow theorized that they used their mothers as a "psychological base of operations," allowing them to remain playful and inquisitive after the initial fright had subsided. In contrast, monkeys raised by wire mesh surrogates did not retreat to their mothers when scared. Instead, they threw themselves on the floor, clutched themselves, rocked back and forth, and screamed in terror. These activities closely resembled the behaviors of autistic and deprived children frequently observed in institutions as well as the pathological behavior of adults confined to mental institutions, Harlow noted. The awesome power of attachment and loss over mental health and illness could hardly have been performed more dramatically.
Though Harry didn't coin any terms, he contributed significantly to the Attachment Theorem.
This is Part 1 of The Origins of Attachment Parenting REVEALED!
Stay tuned for Part Two and discover who really started Attachment Parenting...
Warmly,
Ashley Ryan

Ashley Ryan - Ashley is an author, parent leader and parenting coach specializing in positive and attachment style parenting.
To Learn:
• The Step by Step Formula for Eliminating your Child's Behavioral Problems Permanently
• The Most Powerful Secret You Need to Know to Raise a Healthy Child (Learn this and you will never need to use punishment again)
• One Highly Destructive Approach to Discipline that Almost Every Parent uses (And how you can avoid it)
• And, The Virtually Unknown way to get Your Child to Cooperate (Without having to ask)
Visit: http://www.happychildguide.com or email Ashley at: Ashley@happychildguide.com
You Can Also Claim Your FREE Report: "One Amazingly Powerful Technique that Reduces Whining by 80% (And it also eliminates other annoying behaviors in the process)"

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Good Parenting Skills Can Be Learned

We all want to be good parents and learn good parenting skills. Parenting is a full time job, and sometimes it may seem like MORE than a full time job, but when it gets down to it, we have to acknowledge that as parents, we are going to make mistakes. But one of the keys to good parenting is to recognize those mistakes, accept the mistakes, and learn from the mistakes for the next time.
There are four A's that point to traits of good parenting.
Availability
Be available for your child. Yes, these are hectic and busy times, but you should never be too busy for your child, especially when they need you. Do not only be available when they say they need you, because chances are high that they will not come right and say that. Offer yourself to them and let them know that you are available to them. Let them know that they are important to you, as they should be. Dedicate a reasonable amount of your time each day to spending it with them. Do not just give them the "leftovers" when you are dog tired from a day at work, but give them quality time. That might even be just watching their favorite TV program with them or reading them a book or going for a short walk with them. It does not necessarily mean to spend money on them, because one of the best things you can give them will not cost you a cent - your love for them, where you show it and they can feel it and know it.
Appreciation
The most powerful drive towards good behavior in children is in being appreciated. When a child does well at something, express your appreciation for them. When they do something nice for you, show your appreciation for that. Everyone likes to be appreciated, and children are especially sensitive to this. Appreciation also helps them make that maturing determination of what is right and what is wrong, based on how appreciated they feel. The more you appreciate their good deeds, the more their behavior will be in line with what you want and expect.
Affection
All of us wants to be loved, especially children. They are constantly searching for ways in which they can be loved by you. You are their focal point and they want to please you by their very nature. You need to be aware that love is the basis and foundation of a lasting relationship.
Acceptance
Everyone wants to be accepted and children are no different. You should go out of your way to show they unconditional acceptance. This provides them with a level of self-worth and helps to keep their self-esteem level high. It also gives them a sense of security in the act of acceptance. If you as their parent cannot accept them, then nobody else will either, and they realize this.
Good parenting is a skill that is learned over time, and with mistakes. Learn from the mistakes and set guidelines to be the best parent you can be.

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Parenting Workshops Help Parents Help Themselves

Parenting is one of the toughest jobs and many parents need help in managing their family life. Parenting workshops offer parents the opportunity to learn new strategies and concepts about parenting that they can use in their everyday family life.
Parenting workshops, like any other workshop, include different sessions on different topics such building strong relationships between children and parent, between siblings or between children; early childhood parenting such as dealing with children's fears, helping parents adjust with separation, or starting school.
Many parenting workshops also help parents deal with children who have learning and/or emotional difficulties. These workshops are especially helpful because parenting children with special needs can be twice as hard so many need all the help they can get to manage their family life well.
Parents of adolescents and teenagers also experience a greater deal of frustration and stress because, as we know, children at this age bracket tend to distance themselves from parents, question authority, and are naturally curious and impulsive. Parenting workshops that help parenting teenagers educate parents to help them understand what their teens are going through and how to best approach or communicate with them.
Families who are going through a conflict such as separation or divorce can also get counseling through parenting workshops as well as education about children's right and family law. Moreover, parenting workshops not only increase parents' knowledge and skills on raising their children but at the same time develop confidence in them as parents and reduce everyday stress.
Aside from discussions and presentations on important parenting issues, parenting workshops feature videos and other media resources on a variety of parenting topics. Many parenting workshops are free but there are also groups that organize workshops for a fee and by request, customized to the needs of a specific group, for instance, single parents.
Generally, parenting workshops are conducted once a week for four to six weeks, depending on the organizer. If there is no one else to look after the child while the parent or parents attend the workshop, they can look for those that offer child-minding services.
Before attending parenting workshops, you can check the specific content of each session to make sure they will be useful to you and also check the qualifications of the people providing the workshop. The organization should be composed of qualified professionals who are well-trained in family and/or child development and, ideally, parents themselves.

Milos Pesic is a single father and expert in the field of Parenting who runs a highly popular and comprehensive Parenting [http://parenting.need-to-know.net/] web site. For more articles and resources on parenting, teen parenting, step parenting, parenting classes and much more visit his site at:
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Parenting Styles and Presenting a United Front

So what exactly does a united front mean? We hear it often from parenting experts on TV, the Internet, and in magazines, but do parents really understand it in practice? Everyone has a different style of parenting, and a united front means to join your parenting together so that children can not play the divide and conquer game (which they are extremely good at). Research has indicated that there are four basic parenting styles ranging from only fulfilling a child's basic needs for food, shelter, and schooling to those that expect complete obedience with no explanation or conversation. Of course each family has a unique blend of these four basic parenting styles.
Experts agree that no matter which parenting style each parent has, finding a way to combine them that is consistent will produce the most capable and successful children. Parenting disagreements are one of the major causes of marital problems. So for the sake of your relationship with your spouse and to help make your children successful, happy adults you must learn to co-parent. Our parenting styles come mostly from our own upbringing, some of us repeat how our parents raised us, others tweak our parent's style a little. When co-parenting the idea is to combine both styles of parenting and reach a compromise.
Before deciding exactly how you will combine your parenting styles to raise your children it is important to understand the basic parenting styles and the effect each has on the children.
1. Authoritarian Parents - This parenting style is one where the rules are set and if broken children are punished. There is no explanation of why the rules exist. These parents have high demands and expect their orders to be obeyed. It is believed to be the main style of parenting in the 1950's which is said to have created the rebellious baby boomers of the 60's and 70's. Children do not make any of their own choices.
2. Authoritative Parents - These parents also set rules which they expect their children to follow, but the rules are explained. Parents are more forgiving rather than punishing and children are allowed to make their own choices. Parents are also open to discussion with their children. These parents often take advantage of teaching moments and open, honest communication with their children.
3. Permissive Parents - These parents have very few, if any demands or expectations of their children. Children make their own choices and parents behave more like a friend than a parent. Children tend to become sexually active much earlier and are at a high risk of drug and alcohol addiction. Minor criminal records are also common among children raised by parents with this style of parenting.
4. Uninvolved Parents - These parents have very little involvement in their children's lives. Children are likely to run away often, have a tendency to be violent, and are unable to live productive, happy lives.
In 1992 psychologist and author E.E. Maccoby concluded that authoritative parenting styles tended to result in children who were happy, capable and successful. Combining parenting styles in a way which falls somewhere in the authoritative parenting zone makes for the most well adjusted, happy, and successful children.
It is virtually impossible to always be united and agree one hundred percent when it comes to parenting. Keeping rules and consequences basically the same is what you should aim for in co-parenting. Parents must sit down together and decide what rules there will be and the consequences for breaking those rules. Remember that this is not about winning. Establishing a parenting plan is about your relationship with each other and raising intelligent, well-adjusted children able to support themselves and live a happy life. Compromise is essential. For instance, one parent thinks the children should be in bed at 8pm. and the other believes the children will be fine going to bed at 10pm. Negotiating a bedtime around 9pm. is a quality compromise. If after staying up until 9pm. the children seem to be too tired throughout the day, talk about it again.
There are some things you will disagree about and to avoid problems with children recognizing this and taking advantage of it here are a few rules you should always follow.
· If you have a disagreement, discuss it in private. Children should not hear their parents arguing if it can be avoided.
· Remember that you are both interested in what is best for the child or children. This is not about winning; it is about being a team.
· Do not talk about the other parent in a negative way in front of the children. This only hurts children to hear one of their parents being talked about in this way.
· Do not try to be the "favorite" parent by deviating from your co-parenting plan.
Whether you are married to your child's other parent or not, these guidelines will help make for healthy, successful children.

Shonda Kellams is a freelance writer who enjoys writing about home and family, parenting, relationships, and online business. Shonda owns http://snapoint.org a collaborative blog featuring articles written to help people get better at life.

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Court Ordered Parenting Classes For Divorce - What to Expect

Parenting classes for divorce are not the same classes offered by hospitals and churches for newborns. While many of these classes deal with common issues and parenting styles, classes for divorce focus on your changing lifestyle and teach you ways to deal with changing family dynamics. They offer ways to allow both parents to remain in the child's life after divorce.
What Do They Teach?
In the past, parenting classes were designed to teach parents how to parent their children from birth to teenage years. That has changed. You can find classes for newborns, for special circumstances, for grandparents, and more. Many states now require divorcing parents to attend parenting classes for divorce.
In these classes parents are taught the effects divorce has on the children and offer ways to minimize the effects of divorce on children. Some classes go a step beyond that and teach ways to communicate with an ex-spouse so that the whole family can move forward instead of being stuck in a squabbling rut.
When parents can get past the fighting and agree on strategies for the good of the children, it doesn't matter if they do not like each other. They can work together to make sure the children reach adulthood with good self esteem and a well defined purpose in life. Parenting Classes for divorce ensure parents learn how to put aside their feelings for each other and focus on the kids.
You may find that what you learn in your class carries over to everyday relationships. By applying what you have learned in your future relationships, you will find that there are less disagreements and more cooperation. In personal relationships you will see a much happier relationship because you have learned to deal with issues much better. In professional relationships you will also see a big difference. Is there a promotion in your future simply because you learned better ways to deal with relationships?
What About Online Parenting Classes?
Online classes are unique because they can be taken in the privacy of your own home (or anywhere you have a computer and internet access). Many are available 24 hours a day - 7 days a week. You simply register and then can access lessons. Quizzes can be submitted online. Your certificate will arrive in your mailbox in a few days.
Court Acceptance For Online Parenting Classes
Many courts have no problem accepting online parenting class certificates. Other courts request a specific class and will accept no others. This varies so much that a court in one county may accept any parenting class certificate while a court 30 miles away in the next county of the same state may only accept an in-person class given by a specific agency.
So, how do you know whether you are allowed to take an online class? Ask! Simply ask if there is a specific class you must take or if an online certificate will be accepted.
Think Twice Before Resisting Parenting Classes
If you have been ordered to take parenting classes for divorce think twice before resisting. Your whole life may be changed for the better using what you learn in parenting classes.

Focus On Kids parenting classes offers online parenting classes with guaranteed certificates of completion. Not only do you learn new techniques to make your relationship with your children much more enjoyable, you will complete your court requirements in your own time and in the privacy of your own home. Available 24/7, you control your time. Register today. Complete your parenting class today!
Visit our free resource section to get more parenting during divorce tips available in our Parenting Class Articles section.

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Parenting Books - How to Communicate Better With Your Kids

Raising children is one of the most rewarding and difficult things that you are likely to do in your life. And what makes it even harder is that they do not come with an instruction manual. For this reason many parents turn to parenting books to help them figure out how to raise well balanced, polite and communicative adults as well as how to get them to wake up and get ready for school in the mornings without a fight.
One of the key things to developing a good relationship with your children is communication. It is essential that you talk to them a lot throughout the day and discuss different situations that you both may be going through or situations that their friends might be going through. A good time of the day to do this could be dinner time, bed time, while driving to school and so on.
You should be clear about your behavior expectations of your children and model how to behave as well. If you expect them to be polite, but then you do not speak respectfully to them or to other people in every day situations where they see your interactions, then you are fighting a losing battle.
In order to help your child meet your expectations you should discuss them together and explain why you want them to behave in a certain way and what the consequences are for them if they do or don't behave in that way. If you know you are going into a situation that your child finds difficult, then you should discuss how to behave and deal with the situation beforehand.
Children need limits that are set for them and these can only be taught and reinforced through constant communication of what you expect from them and why. Communicating the reasons for appropriate behavior is important so that the rules do not seem arbitrary.
If there is not good communication and clear limits that are set and reinforced with your children, then you are going to have constant troubles and arguments with them. Reading different parenting books will give you strategies on how you can communicate your expectations effectively and follow routines at home that constantly revisit them.
You want to be able to enjoy sharing your children's childhood and the more communication skills that you learn through parenting books the more able you are to avoid conflicts and get into an easy flow with your kids most of the time.

Are you struggling with disciplining your kids or trying to be the best parents in the world? No matter what, I strongly believe that you must be in the great pain of dealing with everything. If you are looking for the Bestl Parenting Books to guide you along parenting journey, visit Wonderful Parenting Books That Help for more informative knowledge of parenting.

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Understanding Hostile Aggressive Parenting Behavior Used to Sever the Parent-Child Relationship

When I first married, I didn't realize there was a 50 percent chance that my marriage would end in divorce. During our marriage, we had a child and again, I didn't realize that there was a one in six chance my divorce would turn out to be "high conflict," and that my child would be used by an angry and vindictive ex to avenge the failure of our marriage. Over the years since my divorce, the mother's behavior has only intensified. Eventually, I came to learn the meaning of terms such as Parental Alienation (PA), Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS), and Hostile Aggressive Parenting (HAP), and experienced how easily the family court system can be manipulated by false allegations.
In 1985, Dr. Richard Garner, a forensic psychiatrist, introduced the concept of PAS in an article, "Recent Trends in Divorce and Custody Litigation," in which he defined PAS as "a disorder that arises primarily in the context of child-custody disputes. Its primary manifestation is the child's campaign of denigration against a parent, a campaign that has no justification. It results from the combination of programming (brainwashing) by the other parent and the child's own contributions to the vilification of the targeted parent." Several years later, Ira Daniel Turkat introduced "Divorce-Related Malicious Mother Syndrome." Behaviors associated with both syndromes are relatively similar, encompassing hostile aggressive parenting behavior in an attempt to alienate the child from the other parent. However, the latter focuses on the mother's behavior whereas PAS can relate to both the mother and the father. Presently, PA or PAS are the common terms used to define the practice of attempting to alienate a child or children from a parent, regardless of gender.
The American Psychological Association's (APA) official statement on PAS notes "the lack of data to support so-called parental alienation syndrome and raises concern about the term's use." However, the APA states it has "no official position on the purported syndrome." Advocates against PAS believe it is a form of psychological child abuse, and the APA's refusal to address PAS leaves "targeted parents" lacking needed resources to fight the problem. At the same time, there are those who discount the validity of PAS and believe it is used as an excuse by abusive parents during custody challenges to explain "the animosity of their child or children toward them." In certain cases, that may very well be true.
In his article, "New Definition of Parental Alienation: What is the Difference Between Parental Alienation (PA) and Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS)?" Dr. Douglas Darnall focuses on the behavior and defines "parental alienation (PA), rather than PAS, as any constellation of behaviors, whether conscious or unconscious, that could evoke a disturbance in the relationship between a child and the other parent." Simply put, PA is teaching the child to hate the other parent, leading to estrangement from the parent. By concentrating on the behavior, Dr. Darnall presents a more pragmatic approach to acceptance of PA by attorneys, therapist and family courts.
The tactics or tools that parents use to alienate a child range from simple badmouthing the other parent in front of the child; encouraging others to do likewise, until the child is bombarded with negative remarks on a daily basis; to reporting accusations of abuse or neglect to child protective services or family court. This behavior is known as Hostile Aggressive Parenting. One tactic that author John T. Steinbeck describes in Brainwashing Children is that some "hostile parents who remarry will have the child or children call the stepfather, 'daddy,' as a technique used to devalue the biological parent." Parental Alienation Syndrome is a condition. Hostile Aggressive Parenting is the behavior.
Hostile aggressive parents are unable to move on. They are stuck in the past and focused on avenging the failure of their marriage and the control they had during the marriage. They manipulate the family court and child protective services in an attempt to continue control over their ex-spouse. They accept no responsibility for their actions, blame everyone, and place themselves above the child's own interest. Therapist turned family law attorney Bill Eddy notes in his article "Personality Disorders and False Allegations in Family Court" that there is a "prevalence of personality disorders in high conflict divorce and custody cases in which false allegations are used." The most prevalent of these is Borderline Personality Disorder, followed by Narcissistic Personality, and Anti-Social Personality Disorder. This accounts for the lack of empathy toward the child's emotional state, and the ability to manipulate family court and child protective services so easily. Parents with anti-social personality disorders will play the "victim." They are experts at manipulating and lying because they actually believe their lies to justify what they are doing.
Not all children can be taught to hate. Some have a very strong bond with the parent. Steinbeck also notes that in certain cases the "alienating parent feels that the other parent has a strong, highly functional relationship with the child or children and is irrationally worried that this positive relationship will somehow affect their relationship with the child." A child old enough to decide with whom he or she wishes to live with may result in a reversal of financial obligations, as the non-custodial parent is obligated to pay child support and provide medical coverage for the child. HAP may simply be financially motivated. Regardless of the motives, attempting to alienate a child from a parent using hostile aggressive parenting or parental alienation tactics is psychological child abuse.
It is much easier to alienate a child when the child is separated from the parent. False allegations to family court of abuse or neglect will severely limit the relationship between the parent and child and the limited time spent will be under supervision. The Standard Divorce Decree has already reduced the non-custodial parent to a visitor in the child or children's lives by a visitation schedule of the first, third, and fifth weekends of the month. Now the parent is limited to a "supervised" visitation schedule of three or four hours per month. Supervised visitation programs are just as easily manipulated as family court, e.g., parents simply need to call in at the last minute to seek rescheduling.
Family court will always side with the allegations and the court moves very slowly. Depending on the skill of an attorney, this period of separation could last for months. This gives the "targeting parent" additional time to teach the child to hate the "targeted parent," as well as draining the "targeted parent's" financial resources.
An attorney once told me that "the only place people lie more than in family court is at a bar." Family court is plagued by false allegations simply because they are such an effective tool to quickly sever the parent-child relationship. Family court does not prosecute against false allegations, which is why false allegations have proliferated. Allegations do not need to be specific. Some attorneys advise clients to keep the allegations vague so as not to chance involving investigative agencies such as child protective services, as their reports carry so much weight with the court. An allegation to family court may be as vague as "The father is a danger to the child." This is enough for the family court to order visitations withheld or supervised, but not specific enough to involve child protective services.
Family court is a guilt-by-accusation system. Once accused, it is the responsibility of the accused to prove the allegations false. The accused parent will most likely be court-ordered to supervised visitations with the child or children, as well as complete a psychological evaluation and meet with mediators and parent coordinators, all at personal cost. He or she also may pay for a forensic investigation, also referred to as a Social Study Evaluation, to prove the allegations false. The accused parent will spend thousands, or perhaps tens of thousands, of dollars proving the accusations false - and in the end, find him/herself financially drained and psychologically exhausted. An accused parent may lose a relationship with the child or children simply because they ran out of money to continue to fight. Unfortunately, this also results in a child losing a loving parent. David Levy, cofounder of the Children's Rights Counsel and author of The Best Parent is Both Parents, stated: "President Obama talks a lot about absentee fathers who need to take responsibility. (But) he may not realize that there are millions of parents who want to be involved (in their children's lives)." Fighting for the "child's right to both parents" is a costly battle - both financially and psychologically. Many parents simply lose because they ran out of money.
The solution is to define "in the best interest of the child" as "the child's right to both parents," and then protect that right. Stop ignoring false allegations. Understandably, allegations need to be investigated; however, if proven false, the parent who made the false allegations should be prosecuted. Order that parent to complete a psychological evaluation. Step in to protect the child when you hear your friend or relative making negative remarks about the child's parent or any other hostile aggressive parenting behavior. Let the child know that both parents love him/her. Encourage those hostile parents to seek therapy to find closure and stop using the child to "get even." One thing is certain: when a parent is attempting to separate a child from a parent simply to avenge a failed marriage, the child suffers emotional pain. Because this pain was brought on purposely, it is psychological child abuse. If you participate or allow hostile aggressive parenting behavior in an attempt to alienate a child from a parent, you are an accomplice to psychological child abuse. Stand up and protect the child's right to both parents.

James Edwards
http://www.achildforgotten.org

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